Machines Part 1 – ‘Oh for fucks sake…….it’s not working again’

It was Descartes in 1648 (influenced by other great theologians such as Aristotle) that first referenced the body as a machine. Ever since and never more than now, we have become obsessed with machines being humanised or indeed humans being mechanised. In some tantalisingly exciting, yet sometimes un-nerving representations over the years, this has been the basis for a range of stories including the likes of The Wizard of Oz, Iron Man, The Terminator and Chappie!!! Even Disney, in the form of a robot called Wall-E, got in on the act.

This week, albeit with a slightly different mindset than that taken by the cinematic gurus, I have constantly been thinking about my body like a machine. What has become clear is that I have been working with a faulty motherboard for quite some time; the hard drive has been full of depressive and anxiety inducing files for years and I have also let a virus run roughshod over it for at least the last 12 months. Like many hardworking people do (despite understanding the importance of not doing so and advising others as such for years), I have knowingly allowed the anti-virus software on my machine to expire. The question is why, why have I done that?

One possible answer is that when a machine functions well, we understand that although not safeguarding from risk is an invitation for issues and that we should put measures in place to protect it… we do not. We also ignore the efforts of those often-irritating pop ups that try to get us to upload that software. The control centre during this time clinging onto to the fact that it will be updated eventually, yet, during a national pandemic, something convinces the subconscious higher unknown voice in our processor that it does not have the time nor the energy to renew anything, especially if its ‘functioning’ already.

You know what… I am not sure that me, or the machine, or whatever the fuck I am is too far from wrong, but, as I said, I’ve been reflecting about a machine that is getting older; about a machine that has worked hard; a machine that’s functioned on the edge of capacity since it was plugged in; a machine that doesn’t necessarily have any serious physical or aesthetic problems other than looking a little dated yet stopped making people happy. And as the technicians came and confirmed later for me, my machine completely stopped working!

Machines Part 2 – ‘So what do I do with the stupid thing now’ (the thoughts of a broken machine)

So, its broken, great. It becomes abundantly and painstakingly clear that it is no good to anyone. The kids cannot play with it, it is not useful to the wife or family in general. It cannot even communicate with other machines effectively. The broken machine sits there, a mere shell of its former self. Just by being there this broken shell starts to infest and affect all the things around it. Currently it serves no purpose whatsoever and is a waste of everyone’s energy and time.

In 2020 on Emmalee Gagnon claimed…

‘When purchasing a major piece of manufacturing equipment, we would all like to believe that it will last forever. The truth is anything with moving parts and electrical components will eventually break down. We run equipment daily, often with different operators and under different conditions. With this constant wear and tear, any machinery will eventually stop working properly. When that day comes, you should know what to do with your broken machine’.

Well… I did not know what to do with mine. I did not reflect on whether there were minor or major issues, I did not get replacement parts to aid with a repair and I did not do anything about the equipment being outdated. Apparently in the case of old equipment rather than broken equipment—it is better to trade for a model that better suits your needs. Well… I am sure at times my wife and children would have happily traded for a better model but instead they had to put up with the overly worked, often grumpy family machine.

I could have reflected and decided a more specialised and intensive repair was required.

‘If the broken equipment is still appropriate for your speed and capacity requirements, but cannot be easily fixed by your personnel, the highly trained technicians at Manncorp can lend a hand. Our team of experts will know exactly what to do, from small problems to major ones’.

But I could not ever bring myself to speak to the experts. For a start I know about this stuff. I do not need anyone else telling me. I’ll sort it.

I’ll sort it…

I will sort it…

Why is everyone moaning… ill sort it.

I just do not have the time or the energy now but ill sort it…

I will do this then I will sort it…

You know what, I wish everyone would just let me sort it…

Tell you what I will speak to them and they can help me sort it…wait I can’t. There’s a pandemic. I’ll sort it…

I know what I will do. I will just reset it. That always works…

For fucks sake it won’t even let me reset it…

Why will that button not press…

This is stupid. If I hold the button down for longer will it reset…

I’ve held it for ages now and nothing is happening…

I can not even contemplate tomorrow unless this stupid thing resets…


You know what my family and business deserve better than this piece of crap.

(To be continued…)

Tom Hughes

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2 thoughts on “SYFting through the wreckage – Tom’s Mental Health Blog – Machines Part 1 & 2

  • April 2, 2021 at 3:57 pm

    A great read , you owe it to yourself , you are one of the most beautiful people inside and out I know , so mend that machine, do what is necessary ❣

  • April 2, 2021 at 8:06 pm

    Well done. A very mature view on the situation. A good read – I look forward to further instalments. You also know where I am 👍🏻


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